


Married by Mistake.

by LoganThrives (LadyAnatares)



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Don't copy to another site, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Logan is basically me, Logan is genderfluid, Mentions of Sex, POV Second Person, Possessive Behavior, Puppy Love, Self-Insert, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24055927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAnatares/pseuds/LoganThrives
Summary: So this is a crack fic based on a prompt that Fellulah on Tumblr posted (Here's the link) that was too good for me to leave alone. This isn't canon to my Obey Me Fic The Devil You Don't, but it uses all the same characters and relationships with my reader insert OC (Logan). So here, have my OC's answer to this prompt with four different possible endings.And thank you Fellulahh for all your wonderful writing <3
Relationships: Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Luke (Shalll We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Solomon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 74





	1. The Setup.

Two bottles of Demonus Red later and you’re suddenly starting to feel it. You hear Levi talking nearby and grab onto his shirt, leaning into him.

“What’s the matter with you all of a sudden?” Levi asks, slightly annoyed by the sudden physical contact.

“I _hate_ myshelf.”

“What??” he flails. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Because everyone I know ish _married_ or has _kids_ or both,” you sniffle, gripping the front of his shirt tighter. “An’ I’m thirty-two already and I don’t have either. So, I _hate_ myself,” you say as if it should be obvious.

“… Listen, I’m not equipped to deal with whatever is happening to you,” Levi admits frankly. “Let me go find someone else to deal with this.”

Then the nice-smelling but soggy shirt stands up and leaves you alone at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go~!
> 
> Also, I've kind of snubbed Logan's genderfluidity in favour of just keeping the pronouns consistent/so the boys can call her wife/queen/etc. etc. Ordinarily though Logan has a decent number of 'boy' days interspersed with 'girl' days, but may run many days in a row of one or the other. Just as a heads up.


	2. Luke??

You spot Simeon talking with someone nearby. At least, you’re pretty sure it’s Simeon – he’s just so pretty to look at, and so is that person over there, so it’s a fair bet that that’s him. Because that’s _definitely_ how that works.

After all, if you’re going to get married and have kids before you’re _forty_ , and don’t want your heart broken again, your best possible option is a literal angel. _Right??_

Staggering over to him, he looks up with surprise when you come crashing into his arms, leaning your full weight into him as he holds you upright.

“Logan!” he greets you warmly. “This is unexpected. What inspired this sudden embrace?”

“Simeon will you marry me?? Pretty pretty _pleeease_ ,” you plead up into his _beautiful_ turquoise eyes.

“I’m sincerely flattered Logan, but what brought this on?” he questions you gently, brushing some of your hair away from your face. “Are you feeling alright? You look a bit flushed.”

“… Is that a no?” you sniffle, eyes welling up with tears again.

He gives you a sympathetic smile. “Not because I wouldn’t _want_ to, but my duty to the Celestial Realm must always take priority,” he explains calmly, holding your cheek soothingly. “It wouldn’t be fair of me to be such an absentee husband.”

“I thought you would be the only one to not break my heart, an’ then you went and did it anyway,” you sob.

“Oh heavens, what am I going to do with you?” he frowns. “… Luke, would you please make sure that Logan makes it home okay? I’m afraid I have some tasks to take care of this evening and can’t look after her myself.”

“… Yeah!” he pipes up. “I’ll take care of Logan Simeon, just leave it to me!”

* * *

The next morning you wake up to jackhammering in your skull, the sound of your D.D.D. going off incessantly with notifications, and…

An unfamiliar room.

Panic wells up inside of you as you sit up, instantly regretting this as it only makes your hangover a hundred times worse.

White lace curtains adorn every window, with golden light from decorative wall sconces keeping the room brightly lit in spite of Devildom’s eternal night-like sky. The sheets covering you are powder blue and very soft, and the pillow you were resting on previously has some golden embroidery that looks like feathered wings.

You recognize the feeling of your clothes from last night still against you and that relieves you a little bit, but… Where _are_ you right now?

… Maybe your sporadically pinging D.D.D. can help you answer that question. You unlock the screen and nearly drop it in shock.

You have over a _thousand_ notifications from _Devilgram?!_

Horrified at what you could have _possibly_ done to merit so much activity in your social feeds, you open it up with trepidation in your heart.

 **AsmoBaby** Congratulations~!!!

 **LordDiavolo** Haha, I wasn’t expecting this to happen as a result of the exchange program! I’m so happy for you two!

 **L3V1** I shouldn’t have left you alone last night!! UWAHH I’M SO SORRY-!!!

 **stn** lol.

 **Beelzeburger** Congrats.

 **Belphie** How could you marry *him*? I thought we had something special.

 **Lucifer** Let me know if you need a leash for your new pet…

Your stomach twists into knots as it starts to dawn on you. Then you see the photo.

You’re wearing a familiar white hat with gold trim that’s falling off your head, face flushed and extremely inebriated… And next to you, holding the camera with half his face out of frame…

Is _Luke_.

As if on cue, the door opens and the angel himself comes in with a tray of sweet smelling food, smiling brightly at you.

“Good morning~,” he sings in his small, squeaky voice.

“Luke what the actual _hell_ ,” you demand irritably, holding your head in pain.

He nearly jumps out of his skin at your heated reception. “Huh? Logan, is everything okay??”

“Did we get _married_ last night?” you challenge. “While I was _drunk?_ ”

His eyes soften at that, then scurries over to the bed and sets the tray at your side. After that, he sits at your bedside, face flushed and fidgeting with his hands over his lap.

You sigh. “Explain everything from the beginning. Are we seriously _married??_ ”

“W-Well,” he fumbles, barely able to look you in the eyes. “You really weren’t yourself last night…”

“Yeah, because I was _drunk_ ,” you charge. “You took advantage of me?”

He stands abruptly, fists balled at his sides and an indignant look on his blushing face. “It’s not like _that!_ You were vulnerable and I was protecting you!”

“From _what?_ ”

“From those _demons!_ ” he scoffs. “You were stumbling everywhere and they tried to take you away, so I had to do something to protect you!”

“… Okay but, _how_ are we actually married?” you ask, confused. “You’re like _twelve_.”

“Twelve _hundred_ and a _half_ , thank you very much,” he huffs, folding his arms.

It’s hard to take the baby-faced angel very seriously.

“And anyways, doesn’t this solve your problem?” he asks.

“ _What_ problem?”

“You asked Simeon to marry you so your heart doesn’t get broken again,” he reveals. “Well, now you’re married, and I’ll never break your heart Logan! You can trust me to protect you and take care of you for the rest of your mortal life!” he beams proudly.

You bury your face into his blankets, sighing. “Do you know where we can get an annulment?”

His expression is very much that of a kicked puppy. “Aww!”

“But, uh…” you relent, smiling faintly in spite of your painful headache. “… Thanks for breakfast, and taking care of me, I guess. I’ll be more careful next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know the fandom hates when anyone ships Luke with anyone, but I HAD to do him first because he's definitely capable of innocent puppy-love and I could _absolutely_ see him tying the knot with Logan in order to 'protect' her. Obviously there's nothing indecent going on here, just angel bro making sure you're okay and doing his best to keep the demons away from you.
> 
> ***
> 
> Logan: Look, the whole puppy love thing is cute, admittedly? But I can’t be married to someone who looks twelve.  
> Luke: I told you, twelve hundred and a-  
> Logan: DON’T CARE MY DUDE, YOU LOOK TWELVE.


	3. Solomon.

You spot Simeon talking with someone nearby. At least, you’re pretty sure it’s Simeon – he’s just so pretty to look at, and so is that person over there, so it’s a fair bet that that’s him. Because that’s _definitely_ how that works.

After all, if you’re going to get married and have kids before you’re _forty_ , and don’t want your heart broken again, your best possible option is a literal angel. _Right??_

Staggering over to him, he looks up with surprise when you come crashing into his arms, leaning your full weight into him as he holds you upright.

“Logan!” he greets you warmly. “This is unexpected. What inspired this sudden embrace?”

“Simeon will you marry me?? Pretty pretty _pleeease_ ,” you plead up into his _beautiful_ turquoise eyes.

“I’m sincerely flattered Logan, but what brought this on?” he questions you gently, brushing some of your hair away from your face. “Are you feeling alright? You look a bit flushed.”

“… Is that a no?” you sniffle, eyes welling up with tears again.

He gives you a sympathetic smile. “Not because I wouldn’t _want_ to, but my duty to the Celestial Realm must always take priority,” he explains calmly, holding your cheek soothingly. “It wouldn’t be fair of me to be such an absentee husband.”

“I thought you would be the only one to not break my heart, an’ then you went and did it anyway,” you sob.

“Oh heavens, what am I going to do with you?” he frowns. “… Solomon, would you please make sure that Logan makes it home okay? I’m afraid I have some tasks to take care of this evening and can’t look after her myself.”

“Of course, Simeon,” Solomon agrees easily, holding his arms out for you as Simeon carefully passes you over. “Not to worry Logan, I know the best way to treat that hangover you’ll have tomorrow.”

* * *

You wake up in a very dark room.

Thinking nothing of it, you decide to roll out of bed only to realize two things very abruptly.

One, that you’re still wearing your clothes from last night. And two, _that there is a person in bed right next to you._

… Just how much did you drink last night??

You’re _not_ the type to have a one-night stand, so with your clothes still on you can at least reasonably assume that you haven’t done anything with the person next to you. All you know in the darkness about him though, is that he’s not wearing a shirt. And that he’s… _Heavily tattooed?_

And why is your phone making so much noise?? It’s just notification after notification after notification. Opening it up, they all seem to be coming from Devilgram. Oh _gods_ , what did you _do_ last night?

 **L3V1** What happened!? I was only gone for two minutes!!

 **Lucifer** Logan, may we talk?

 **Mammoney** Yo did he cast a spell on you or somethin’? I’ll kill him! >:(

 **LordDiavolo** Congratulations! Who knew when I started this exchange program that two humans would find love at RAD!

 **DDSimeon** You know this isn’t what I meant last night.

 **AsmoBaby** @monSOLO, how *could* you!? You didn’t even invite me?? D:

You finally get through the notifications to see the picture posted to your Devilgram last night that’s caused such a fuss.

It’s you and Solomon. He’s holding the camera while you grab at the front of his cloak and… Kiss his cheek?? From the redness in your face you must be _very_ drunk.

… Oh _gods_.

And as if on cue, the mysterious stranger stirs and rolls onto his back. You shuffle away slightly to make room on the spacious bed, and your worst fears are confirmed.

“… Good morning,” Solomon says, stretching and resting his hands above his head. “How are you feeling today, Logan?”

“What _happened_ last night?” you demand. “What did you do to me? And, and _where_ are your _clothes!?_ ”

He frowns slightly. “How’s your head?”

“Fine. _Clothes?!_ ”

“Boxers,” he chuckles. “I’m wearing boxers. Maybe _you_ can sleep in your clothes, but I sure can’t. Anyways, I’m grateful my spell worked.”

You seethe at that. “So, you _admit it_. You _did_ cast a spell on me–!”

“– To prevent the hangover you’d surely have later,” he assures you, rolling onto his side to face you. “I promise you, that’s the only enchantment I’ve used on you within the last twenty-four hours,” he adds seriously. “You can ask any of the brothers to verify – any other magic on you would linger and have a scent that they could pick up.”

“Then explain _this_ bullshit,” you say, thrusting your phone into his face.

He blinks as he takes it, then laughs. “Ah, right.” He scratches at his face as he reads the comments, chuckling as he reads through them.

“… So??” you insist, still waiting for an explanation.

“Right. So, we got married last night,” he sighs, dropping your D.D.D. on the bed between you and flopping onto his back again.

You gasp. “I was _drunk_ , Solomon! You took advantage of me!” you accuse.

“The way I remember it, you were pretty insistent on it,” he grins. “You said you needed to marry someone who wouldn’t break your heart, and I answered that I couldn’t break something that I don’t have.”

Silence falls over the two of you as you gawk at him. He sighs, rolling onto his side to look at you seriously.

“You’re kind of miserable when you’re that drunk, aren’t you?” he reveals. “Did you want to talk about it?”

“Why? What else did I do?”

“You actually asked Simeon if he’d marry you first.”

You slap a hand over your mouth in shock. Did you _really??_ Sweet, handsome, incorruptible _Simeon?_

He laughs at that. “We can probably get our marriage annulled today, if you want. You _were_ pretty drunk.”

“… If I _want?_ ” you ask. “Why wouldn’t I _want_ to? Solomon, I wasn’t myself last night, clearly!”

“Well…” he hums, reaching to fiddle with a lock of your hair, then brushes it past your shoulder. “Maybe I don’t have your heart, and maybe I can’t form pacts with other humans… But perhaps I was curious what it would be like to be wed to a human who has sealed so many powerful demons into pacts without any magic of her own.”

“… You married me for my _pacts?!_ ”

“Partially,” he confirms. “In addition to being a powerful sorcerer, I am also a King, did you know that?”

“… I didn’t,” you fluster. “But what does that have to do with anything??”

“Think about it, Logan,” he hums pleasantly, sitting up cross-legged on the bed in front of you, taking your face in both of his hands. “You would be an amazing Queen for my people, and in return I can help you reach the magic potential that’s surely locked deep inside of you, and show you your true power over demons. Maybe it isn’t what you _wanted_ out of a marriage, but I could give you so much if you would just stay by my side.”

You take his wrists in your hands, shifting your face away from him as you look him seriously in the eyes.

“I want a divorce,” you assert.

He chuckles at that. “I thought you still might. Can’t blame a guy for trying though, can you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solomon to me is definitely the kind of guy who would do something super sketchy and make you real suspicious of him, only for him to turn out to be a (mostly) decent guy about things. So have a Solomon.
> 
> ***
> 
> Logan: Wait, do I still get half your kingdom if I divorce you?  
> Solomon: Sorry, we had a pre-nup.  
> Logan: Son of a bitch, you really have thought this through.


	4. Lucifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning for possessive behaviour.** Yeah, I'm just not into this boyo, sorry Luci stans.

“Dia- _vollooh!_ ”

The future King of Devildom turns towards you in surprise as you drunkenly saunter over to him, catching you in his arms as you lose your balance and nearly fall.

“Logan!” he says, holding you in his big strong arms effortlessly. Oh _yeah_ , you could get used to this. “Are you feeling alright?” he asks softly. He’s _so sweet_ , is he concerned for you?

“… How much have you had to drink tonight?” Lucifer asks from somewhere nearby. It makes sense to your alcohol-addled brain – he’s never too far from Diavolo when he’s out in public.

“I drank two bottles of Red by myshelf,” you answer dutifully.

He scoffs irritably at that. “Levi was supposed to be watching over you. I’ll have to have a chat with him later.”

“Lord Diavolo,” you say, planting your feet in front of him and looking up into his golden eyes. “Would you marry a dumb, old, mess of a human like me?”

He flusters at the sudden proposal while Lucifer makes a noise of disgust. “You’re not dumb, old, _or_ a mess, Logan. Just intoxicated,” Diavolo kindly reassures you, brushing some hair away from your face.

“Is-Is that a no??” you pout, eyes welling up with tears.

His chest shakes you as he laughs. “I’m flattered that you asked, but I’m afraid I can’t accept,” he says. “You’re not in your right mind right now, and currently marriage isn’t in the cards for me.”

“But if I don’t marry _shomebody_ soon then nobody’s _ever_ going to want me,” you say, choking on a sob. “Diavolooo, _pleeeease??_ ”

“Oh dear. It seems I’ve upset you,” he frowns. He hugs you tighter, patting you on the head as he attempts to soothe you while you work through a sob. “… Lucifer, I apologize but it seems we should cut our dinner short for this evening. You wouldn’t mind looking after Logan until she recovers, would you?”

“… Not at all, my Lord,” he agrees readily.

“Thank you my friend, I really appreciate it. I’ll bring the reports I have for you by tomorrow in the afternoon.”

Diavolo carefully releases you into Lucifer’s waiting arms, who brings an arm tight around your waist to steady you.

“Take good care of her, Lucifer,” you hear the Prince in the distance. “Logan, I’ll come see you tomorrow, as well. I hope you feel better soon!”

* * *

You wake up somewhere familiar, although you can’t immediately place where it is. It _smells_ familiar though. You must be in the House of Lamentation.

Your head is pounding when you wake up, and you struggle to sit up while also pressing your hands into both sides of your head as you try to keep your brains in place. Unfortunately it still jostles around a bit, and you groan out in pain.

… What _is_ that annoying beeping noise? It can’t be an alarm, the beeping is too inconsistent.

You whip your head around towards the noise, regretting it immediately as you blink hard through the pain of your hangover. It’s your D.D.D. it turns out, and you have…

… A _lot_ of notifications from Devilgram, for some reason. Hesitantly, you open them up.

 **Angeluke** NO!! Logan how *could* you?!?

 **L3V1** WHAAAAAAATTT!?!?!?

 **Mammoney** I was your first man, wasn’t I?? Ya don’t even have a pact with him!!

 **Beelzeburger** Lucifer? Really?

 **DDSimeon** I never took you for the type to get married.

 **LordDiavolo** Lucifer, that is *not* what I meant. Logan, I will be over today to resolve this.

You finally get through the notifications to see what picture has inspired such a visceral response.

And then you nearly _throw_ your phone as you see it. Clutching at your shirt and breathing hard, you suddenly realize _that’s not your shirt_.

And that this isn’t your room. It’s _Lucifer’s_.

And you’re wearing one of his dress shirts in place of your own.

You throw back the covers and sigh in relief. Still wearing your pants from yesterday, at least. Hopefully that means that nothing actually happened.

Although the utterly spicy picture of him _kissing_ you on Devilgram is giving you some serious doubts. Full on on the _mouth_ , no less. You’d think you would _remember_ something like that.

As if summoned, the door swings open and Lucifer walks in with a tray and a pleased smile on his face. You pull the covers up over your chest, seething at him furiously.

You’re also a bit heated as he’s dressed down from how he normally is – his black sweater that he usually wears under his school uniform with the sleeves rolled up, and some simple black pajama pants that you’ve never seen him in before. No gloves either, which is highly unusual for the first born who’s normally covered head to toe.

“Good morning,” he greets casually, walking over to the bed and setting the tray on his nightstand. The smell of a freshly cooked breakfast makes your stomach do uncertain backflips. “Are you feeling better today?” he asks, sitting on the edge of the massive bed next to you.

“Lucifer what in the actual fuck _happened_ last night??” you demand.

His brow furrows and he folds his arms at your indignation. “Really now, is that any way to speak to your husband?” he scolds you, a sly smirk pulling at his lips.

“H… _Husband?!_ ”

“That’s right,” he rumbles warmly, holding up your left hand and interlacing his warm fingers with yours. You’re wearing a ring with a bright red gem that almost perfectly matches the colour he paints his fingernails.

You pull away from him, hugging your legs to your chest as you start to panic. “Lucifer, _please_ just tell me what happened last night? _Everything_ that happened, from the beginning.”

He hums, displeased at the loss of your contact, but scoots onto the bed to sit against the headboard next to you, stretching out his long legs in front of him. “… Well,” he begins. “It seems that you’d had a bit too much to drink last night, and wound up throwing yourself all over Diavolo while we were having dinner at The Fall.”

You gasp and hold your hands over your mouth. You hit on the _Prince??_

“He left me in charge of seeing you home safely, which I have done,” he notes with some pride. “But… You were extremely upset over the idea that you may not be married ‘in time’, so on our way I thought to rectify that.”

“And you bought me a ring and dragged me into a chapel??” you accuse.

“You pointed out the chapel and were _insistent_ we go in,” he corrects. “The ring I already had, it was one of mine before I started wearing gloves – I was surprised it fit on your finger as well as it does, though it may need to go down a size. That I gave that to you once we got home.”

“And what happened to my shirt?” you demand, tugging at his dress shirt.

He gets a sympathetic look on his face. “… You were very sick last night,” he remembers begrudgingly. “You made a mess of your shirt and hair, so I had to rinse you off in my shower and give you something else to wear for the night.”

“But, so, we didn’t _do_ anything then?”

He shakes his head. “Not after _that_.”

You heave a _massive_ sigh of relief.

“Although,” he smirks, bringing a hand up to trace the collar of the shirt you’re wearing. “I _could_ get used to seeing you in my clothes, dear.”

You swat his hand away. “Don’t call me that.”

Offended, he then grips you by the front of the shirt and pins you to the bed beneath him. “I so rarely get to have you to myself and you would refuse me out of hand like that?” he scoffs, a wicked smile on his lips. “I should teach you how a wife is supposed to behave.”

“Lucifer you don’t even _like_ me!” you shout up at him. “Why the hell would _you_ of all people marry me? While I was _drunk?!_ ”

He’s taken aback at your declaration. “Logan,” he says, a bittersweetness in his eyes. “When have I ever given you _that_ impression?”

“Uhh _gee_ , let’s see – the countless times you’ve threatened my life, the couple times you _actually tried to kill me_ , when you hurt my hand at the dance, and when you were standoffish during that dumb dating sim- Yeah, how _could_ I possibly have gotten that impression, huh??“

He scoffs, looking away from you, face flushed as he knows he can’t deny it. Mercifully, he sits back on his heels, offering you a hand up. You look at him skeptically, deciding not to take it, but he grabs your wrist anyways and pulls you up to sit across from him.

“… Logan,” he confesses. “Granted, I’ve never been the most expressive man when it comes to my feelings, but… Today, that changes.”

“What are you even _saying_ right now-“

“I’m…” he sighs. “I have feelings for you, Logan. I don’t know what to call them yet, but they’re strong. And when you asked me to marry you last night, I saw an opportunity, a future where we could be together.”

“You literally don’t understand taking no for an answer, _do_ you?” you glare at him.

“I may have gone about things the wrong way, but-“

“ _May_ have?”

“But I _want you_ at my side,” he insists, grasping your hands in his. “I want that more than anything else this world has to offer. Let me make a pledge to you now, to show you how much you truly mean to me every day for the rest of your life.”

First a non-consentual marriage now a _love confession?_ Maybe Lucifer’s been hitting the Demonus this morning already.

“… We should talk to Diavolo,” you sigh.

“Yes, I was just thinking that,” he grins. “If we are married then he can’t send you back to the human world after the exchange program is up.”

Wow, that is _so_ not what you meant.

“No, I mean we should talk to Diavolo because I want a _divorce_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahh. Definitely someone my Logan would not love to wake up married to.
> 
> ***
> 
> Lucifer: Yes, yes, all according to plan…  
> Logan: Excuse me sir, you never consulted me on the plan  
> Lucifer: Yes, because you would’ve interfered with the plan  
> Logan: If I’m part of the plan then I have the right to interfere with it!!


	5. Belphegor.

“ _Wow_. How much have you had?”

“Logan! I found Belphie!” Levi cheers, relieved that he no longer has to look after your drunk ass. “Now that he’s here, I’m going to head home okay? I’ve already maxed out my limits for social interaction and now I need to refill my stamina with a few video games.”

And then he leaves.

You look bleary-eyed at the table in front of you, spying the empty bottles. You pull them towards you with both hands and then slide them towards the Avatar of Sloth. One of them topples over and he deftly catches it. “This many,” you answer.

“And I take it that Demonus Red is affecting you a bit more strongly than regular, huh?” Belphie observes.

“Belphie do you think anyone would ever marry me?” you blurt out, tears welling at the corners of your eyes again.

He furrows his brows at you and grips your shoulder to steady you as you nearly topple into him. “Of _course_ they would. Why would you ever say that?” he asks seriously.

“Be _cause_ ,” you sniffle. “All my relationships have been _trash_. Humans are _trash_. _I’m_ prob’ly trash _too_ , now that I think about it. But everybody I know ish _married_ or has kids or _both_. How come I don’t have that with _any_ one?”

“Aww, Logan,” he smiles softly, bringing an arm up around your shoulders. “Before I met you, I’d have probably agreed that humans are pretty worthless. But I know _you’re_ not.”

“Why? What makes you shay _that?_ ” you challenge, knitting your brows together at him.

“Hmm… You want to get married, do you?” he smirks, a scheme formulating in his head.

“… Yeah??

“Well,” he grins. “I think I might just know someone who wants to marry you too.”

* * *

“Good morning.”

You blink blearily at the sound of the voice. It takes you a moment to recognize that soft, slightly gravelly tone, but once you brain starts to work again, you realize that it must be Belphegor.

“… My head is _pounding_ , Belphie,” you moan. “What _happened_ last night?”

“You had a lot to drink,” he says from very close by. “There’s some water and some pain killers on the nightstand right next to you. Drink up, okay?”

Slowly and painfully, you gradually sit up and crack open your eyes. First thing you notice, besides the aforementioned water and Tylenol, is that you’re not actually in your room, nor in Belphie’s room either. It’s the attic room he was stuck in for nearly the whole school year. Second thing you notice, is that at some point you made it back to your room to change into some pajamas.

That’s not terribly surprising for you though, since he’s dragged you up here for a nap at several points since freeing him. He finds the space comfortable and out of the way of people – namely, his noisy brothers.

Once you take the meds and drain the glass, you snuggle back into the cozy comforters to snooze the rest of the morning away. Belphie’s arm snakes around your waist and pulls you into him, and you go willingly because that’s just how your relationship with him has been for over a month now. He’s just _very_ into snuggling.

“You want some more rest? That’s alright then,” he hums delightedly into your hair and leaving a small kiss on the top of your ear. “Anything for my cute wife.”

…

…

“… _What_ did you just say?” you ask, rolling towards him.

“I just said we can sleep the morning away if you want to,” he smiles innocently.

“No, the second part. Did you just call me your _wife?_ ” you frown.

“Is that wrong?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at you. “After all, we _did_ get married last night.”

You throw the blankets off of you as you sit up. “We _WHAT?!_ ”

And then you hold your head in pain.

“Whoa, careful,” he says, sitting up with you and holding you by the shoulder to steady you. “Don’t move so quick or you’re gunna regret it.”

“Belphie what do you mean we got _married_ last night?”

“Pretty much exactly what I said,” he grins.

“Why- What?? _How?_ ”

He rolls his eyes and sighs. “Look, you should probably just check Devilgram. Your D.D.D.’s been going off non-stop for _hours_ now.”

You blink at him, then reach for your D.D.D. Sure enough, you have over eight hundred notifications from Devilgram.

 **Belphie** Isn’t my wife so pretty?

 **Lucifer** Belphie, we need to talk.

 **L3V1** BELPHIE WHY?!??!?

 **Mammoney** Get your hands off of Logan, right now!!!

 **Belphie** Shh guys you’ll wake my wife up.

 **LordDiavolo** Well this was rather unexpected! I suppose you really have turned over a new leaf! Congratulations to the both of you!!

 **Beelzeburger** Am I going to be an uncle?

 **Belphie** Maybe. Gotta clear that with the wifey.

 **monSOLO** Congratulations to you both! You look very happy.

 **Belphie** We are thanks.

 **stn** What are you naming the kids?

 **Belphie** Damien if it’s a boy, Salem if a girl.

 **stn** That was a surprisingly fast response…

 **AsmoBaby** How’s the sex?? Have you two done it? Is it good?? I’ve been DYING to know~!

 **Belphie** Shut up Asmo.

Then you look at the picture that’s being commented on… And you heart melts a little bit.

Belphie is taking a selfie with you at the chapel, and he’s kissing your forehead as you lean into his shoulder. The two of you really _do_ look very happy together.

“… Half of these messages are _yours_ , you know,” you point out with a small smile.

He laughs at that. “I couldn’t resist.”

“So… We’re like, _married_ married??”

“Yeah,” he confirms, then reaches behind him for something on the floor out of sight. He comes back with it, showing you a registered marriage certificate, signed and stamped with yesterday’s date. “See? It’s completely legitimate.”

“I signed a happy face for my name,” you point out.

“You insisted that was your legal signature,” he laughs. “Wish I’d thought of it, I just signed normally.”

He seems so happy to have married you spontaneously while you were drunk last night. You’re almost content to just leave things the way they are.

… But you were _drunk_ last night. You can’t properly consent to something like marriage while heavily intoxicated. You put your hands together in front of your face and sigh heavily.

“… Belphie,” you begin.

“I know, I know,” he groans. “We can get it annulled today if you want.”

You blink. “Really? Just like that?”

“I mean, I had my fun and all – I got to call you my wife for a little bit, we got some great pictures of us and a real marriage certificate, not to mention the fact that I’ve made all of my brothers _insanely_ jealous just in the last eight hours,” he chuckles. “It’s been amazing, I want to do it all over again.”

“And I will,” he says, setting down the paper and taking your hands in his, resting them in his lap. “But next time, I’ll make sure that you’re sober first.”

“That’s so sweet – I mean, minus the fact that I was drunk part,” you smile warmly at him. “But… You’d really want to tie the knot with a hot mess like me? A human?”

“A dozen times over if I could,” he nods emphatically. “I _love_ you, Logan. I want you to know how much. So I’m not going to stop trying to show you that. And I think I’d really enjoy being married to you, and spending the rest of your life with you. So any time you get lonely, remember that I’ll be right there with you always.”

“… Belphie, you’re going to make me cry again,” you warn, feeling the heat behind your eyes.

“It’s okay to cry. People cry when they’re happy too, right? People cry at weddings all the time,” he reasons. “I want to cry too, a little bit. I’ve never felt like this before.”

Feeling so much emotion for the youngest brother, you pull your hands away so you can hold his face, kissing him. He responds eagerly in kind, and it turns into a slow, steady make-out session as neither of you entirely want to stop or break it off. You both just keep diving in for more, extending the moment for as long as possible.

“… We should probably get up and get breakfast,” you say finally, resting your forehead against his. “And then sort out this annulment thing or whatever.”

“Okay, deal. But before that,” he says smoothly. “How do you feel about consummating our marriage?”

Your face explodes with heat as he throws you the _biggest_ , shit-eatingest grin you’ve ever seen in your life. He even shifts into his demon form, and you’re not sure if that’s a requirement for demon sex or if he just wants to have his tail out to thump the end of it against the mattress with glee.

“ _Belphegor_ ,” you scold. “I _really_ don’t think sex is on the table for me right now.”

He clicks his tongue at that, mildly disappointed. “Was worth a shot. Call me if you ever change your mind though – I’m not against pre-marital sex. You can even use the pact to do it, I’m _sure_ I won’t mind.”

“Belphie!” you laugh.

“What? You know I’m always honest.”

As you both get out of bed and go to your respective rooms to get dressed in your day clothes, you wind up in the hallway together at about the same time, and when he offers his hand to you, you take it.

“… They’re going to give us so much crap over breakfast,” you point out.

He rolls his eyes. “Lucifer apparently wants to talk to me. That’s _never_ a good sign.”

You chuckle. “Say, um… Can humans and demons even _have_ kids?”

He squeezes your hand and throws you a wink that’s anything but chaste. “One way to find out, right?”

“B- _Belphie!!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now for a boyo she's actually in love with :D <3
> 
> ***
> 
> Logan: Belphie, you can't just let yourself into my room when I'm getting dressed.  
> Belphie: Husband privileges.  
> Logan: We had it annulled!  
> Belphie: Future husband privileges.


End file.
